I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
