I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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