Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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