Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I die, sorry about rent.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
