Can Purell be used as lube?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
