he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
