I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
