Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
