i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
