to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
