I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
