The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
