May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
