He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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