I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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