It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
