i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
