its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
being pregnant is like rehab
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
