the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
