im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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