He asked me if I "almost moaned"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
