my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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