having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
