so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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