I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
