so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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