oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
