That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need to align my fucking chakras
how does that bad decision feel?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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