So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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