I haven't been this sober since birth.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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