once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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