Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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