I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
