he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
