There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
