i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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