Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
