So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
