Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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