Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize