just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
And then he peed in my hair
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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