I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
