i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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