3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
