I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize