No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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