remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
