It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
