in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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