So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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