sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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