we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
