we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
