"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
