Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
