Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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