I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
