I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just tell him i said nine months
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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