so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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