with your own penis?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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