if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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