Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize