Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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