He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
