she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize