Kiss
Puke
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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