how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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