fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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