ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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