like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
