If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
