I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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