I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
