are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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